Thursday, December 18, 2008 - Just a normal day for most people and it was normal for me up until my OBGYN visit that afternoon. "Fluid looks a little low. Maybe you are dehydrated or maybe it is something else. Let's wait a couple of weeks and let you come back to be checked again." Needless to say, I was concerned and worried about my low fluid for the next 12 days.
Little did I know that those 12 days would be the last 12 days where the excitement of a pending arrival and the joys of Christmas filled my heart with happiness. It is hard to believe that almost 1 year has passed since our happy little world came crashing down.
It is so weird to feel guilty because I've had a "good" day meaning that I didn't get emotional at some point or didn't sit aimlessly for hours doing nothing but think of her and the what-ifs. I've gotten good at giving advice and even deflecting unwanted attention or comments with just a simple (albeit rehearsed) statement.
But really nothing helps erase the memories of last Christmas season.... The thrill of knowing that THIS Christmas would be spent with the newest member of our family. Making memories with her, buying gifts for her that she wouldn't remember receiving, taking her first picture with Santa, toting her to all of the holiday events, playing "pass the baby" at family Christmas', reading the Christmas story to her like I had heard so many Christmas' with my family, starting traditions with our little family that would last a lifetime.
None of that will happen this Christmas and it is a painful time to reflect upon what we are obviously missing this season.
What we do have is the hope and assurance in our Lord, Jesus Christ who was born to a young woman (no doubt nervous and apprehensive about her responsibilities as a new mother) and a working class man (who was probably just as nervous about providing for his new wife who had conceived in an impossible way) almost 2000 years ago. This trusting couple's long roadtrip ended in a cancelled reservation and less than appealing accomodations that even some animals would snub their noses at. Mary was probably tired, achy, irritable, swollen and ready to have her baby (Ladies, can you relate?) And in that miraculous night a perfect baby was born and that baby grew to become the most influential person to ever have walked the Earth. Jesus Christ willingly gave His life for me so that I could one day be with Him in Heaven. And now He holds in His loving arms my sweet baby, Lizzy Ann. My spirit seems very broken during these darker days but I am so grateful for His sacrifice that allows me to see her again one day.
We are so thankful for each of you who have loved us, prayed for us and held us up this past year. I cannot believe that a year has passed and we are now facing the 1st anniversaries of many horrible days. I cannot write this post without hearing my anthem play in my head...
I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
-Casting Crowns
Praying for a Merry Christmas for each of you. Love you all so very much.
-Johnna
Friday, December 18, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Alaska
Just getting back from Alaska and finally feeling like I'm on Alabama time!! Will post photos soon.
Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving with your loved ones!
Johnna
Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving with your loved ones!
Johnna
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Friends
Please keep my friends, Preston and Janelle Hite, in your prayers. They moved to China this summer for Preston to teach music and found out that they were expecting triplets. Janelle and their young son, Logan, came back to the states a few weeks ago so she could go on bed rest. Unexpectedly, Janelle went into labor on Friday night at 24 weeks and 4 days. Preston came home immediately but did not make it in time for the births of their babies.
Nathan - 1 lb. 9 oz; Owen - 1 lb. 6 oz; Amelia Marie - 1 lb. 6 oz.
Nathan and Owen are hanging in there but sadly Amelia Marie was just not strong enough to stay with her family. She is a sweet angel now and I know that Janelle and Preston's hearts must be broken.
Because of our experience this past year, my heart aches in a way I've never known each time I hear of someone who is going through the aftermath of loosing a child. Truthfully, I haven't seen Preston or Janelle in many years but I've followed their journeys via their blog recently and I know that they will need many many many prayers in the coming months.
Thank you all.
Love you,
Johnna
Nathan - 1 lb. 9 oz; Owen - 1 lb. 6 oz; Amelia Marie - 1 lb. 6 oz.
Nathan and Owen are hanging in there but sadly Amelia Marie was just not strong enough to stay with her family. She is a sweet angel now and I know that Janelle and Preston's hearts must be broken.
Because of our experience this past year, my heart aches in a way I've never known each time I hear of someone who is going through the aftermath of loosing a child. Truthfully, I haven't seen Preston or Janelle in many years but I've followed their journeys via their blog recently and I know that they will need many many many prayers in the coming months.
Thank you all.
Love you,
Johnna
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Exciting News
Just a few weeks ago, Jeremy and I were asked to be the Shoals Area Ambassador Family for the 2010 March of Dimes March for Babies. This is a charity close to our hearts and we were so honored to be asked to help with their big fundraiser!!
Jeremy is doing his part to garner support from area businesses and institutions. He is so good at talking to people and telling our story so I'm thankful that God has placed this opportunity in our life!
It's a far-fetched wish but I hope that the MOD can continue to develop research and cures for birth defects like Lizzy Ann's. No parent should ever hear the news we heard on December 30, 2008 and the MOD is continuing to make developments in the treatment of birth defects while babies are in-utero so that can be changed for all families.
We are in the very beginning stages of this great event but we would like to ask for your prayers and support as we do what we feel is God's will for us as Lizzy Ann's parents. Every phone call we make or personal email we send in an effort to raise money for the MOD will be in honor of our precious girl. Her life on earth was brief but her legacy will be one that leads to starting healthy lives for thousands of other babies born in our area.
Other news....
Work. Work. Work. and a little more Work. This time of year is always busy for a band director and Jeremy stays busy with his classes, committee work, consultant status and research. We are very thankful to have great jobs in this economy so we will NOT complain about working!! I was asked to teach a few lessons again at UNA (bassoon) so I'm excited about that starting up next week. After Christmas 2008, I really didn't play my bassoon at all until a few weeks ago. That's the absolute longest I've ever put it down but I needed that time to just not think about music. Happy to get back to playing and performing.
We are taking a break in November to go to Alaska. Our friends, the Lynch's, moved there in July and we wanted to go visit them and see the beautiful Alaskan scenery. I am slightly concerned about the weather while we will be there because I'm pretty cold-natured and I may turn into a popsicle while I'm there!! I've researched heated underwear but it would be my luck to get a short it my shorts while out skiing or something. I did purchase a few hats, gloves and earmuffs at TJMaxx yesterday so maybe I'll be warm-enough!
One more soapbox.... :)
For a long time now, I've been conscious about removing a word from my vocabulary that is now common vernacular for silly, stupid, dumb, funny, etc... and it's the r-word (i.e. "retard" or "retarded"). I've listened to students say if for too long and over the past few years I've outlawed it in my presence. Today, I had a student bust out with the r-word in the middle of a class and I was SHOCKED at the number of kids that just didn't care that it was an inappropriate term. So now, I'm on the warpath to ELIMINATE this word from the vocabulary of the students at my school. I pledged my support to "Spreading the Word to End the Word" at www.r-word.org and I would ask you to do the same.
I want to encourage EVERYONE to stop using the r-word and replace it with intellectual disability if you are referring to a person and if you are using the r-word as a demeaning, deragatory or mis-guided joke then STOP using it.
Stepping down off soap box......
Thank you for continuing to read. Love you all.
-Johnna
Jeremy is doing his part to garner support from area businesses and institutions. He is so good at talking to people and telling our story so I'm thankful that God has placed this opportunity in our life!
It's a far-fetched wish but I hope that the MOD can continue to develop research and cures for birth defects like Lizzy Ann's. No parent should ever hear the news we heard on December 30, 2008 and the MOD is continuing to make developments in the treatment of birth defects while babies are in-utero so that can be changed for all families.
We are in the very beginning stages of this great event but we would like to ask for your prayers and support as we do what we feel is God's will for us as Lizzy Ann's parents. Every phone call we make or personal email we send in an effort to raise money for the MOD will be in honor of our precious girl. Her life on earth was brief but her legacy will be one that leads to starting healthy lives for thousands of other babies born in our area.
Other news....
Work. Work. Work. and a little more Work. This time of year is always busy for a band director and Jeremy stays busy with his classes, committee work, consultant status and research. We are very thankful to have great jobs in this economy so we will NOT complain about working!! I was asked to teach a few lessons again at UNA (bassoon) so I'm excited about that starting up next week. After Christmas 2008, I really didn't play my bassoon at all until a few weeks ago. That's the absolute longest I've ever put it down but I needed that time to just not think about music. Happy to get back to playing and performing.
We are taking a break in November to go to Alaska. Our friends, the Lynch's, moved there in July and we wanted to go visit them and see the beautiful Alaskan scenery. I am slightly concerned about the weather while we will be there because I'm pretty cold-natured and I may turn into a popsicle while I'm there!! I've researched heated underwear but it would be my luck to get a short it my shorts while out skiing or something. I did purchase a few hats, gloves and earmuffs at TJMaxx yesterday so maybe I'll be warm-enough!
One more soapbox.... :)
For a long time now, I've been conscious about removing a word from my vocabulary that is now common vernacular for silly, stupid, dumb, funny, etc... and it's the r-word (i.e. "retard" or "retarded"). I've listened to students say if for too long and over the past few years I've outlawed it in my presence. Today, I had a student bust out with the r-word in the middle of a class and I was SHOCKED at the number of kids that just didn't care that it was an inappropriate term. So now, I'm on the warpath to ELIMINATE this word from the vocabulary of the students at my school. I pledged my support to "Spreading the Word to End the Word" at www.r-word.org and I would ask you to do the same.
I want to encourage EVERYONE to stop using the r-word and replace it with intellectual disability if you are referring to a person and if you are using the r-word as a demeaning, deragatory or mis-guided joke then STOP using it.
Stepping down off soap box......
Thank you for continuing to read. Love you all.
-Johnna
Sunday, October 4, 2009
In Heaven's Arms
In late June, my dear friend, Krista, sent me an email with a mp3 of a beautiful song called "In Heaven's Arms" by composer Eric Genuis. Krista is an amazing soprano that I became friends with while at UA. We were sisters in SAI and have remained in contact through the years.
I have selfishly kept this song to myself for the past few months and listen to it in the car almost everyday on my way to work. It's been my little private time with God and Lizzy Ann but I wanted to share not only Krista's beautiful voice (and sweet spirit) but the talent of Eric Genuis.
Mr. Genuis and his wife have lost 7 babies to various complications and his faith is apparent in these beautiful songs. Please visit his site and listen to his other works.
Thank you, Krista. Much love. -Johnna
I have selfishly kept this song to myself for the past few months and listen to it in the car almost everyday on my way to work. It's been my little private time with God and Lizzy Ann but I wanted to share not only Krista's beautiful voice (and sweet spirit) but the talent of Eric Genuis.
Mr. Genuis and his wife have lost 7 babies to various complications and his faith is apparent in these beautiful songs. Please visit his site and listen to his other works.
Thank you, Krista. Much love. -Johnna
Thursday, October 1, 2009
SCC
Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife lost one of their daughters in a freak accident this past year and he has written this beautiful song for his new album (due out November 3rd). She was 5 years old.
I cannot imagine loving a precious child and raising them only to have them taken home too early. This song is just beautiful. Have some tissues.
We love you all.
-Johnna
I cannot imagine loving a precious child and raising them only to have them taken home too early. This song is just beautiful. Have some tissues.
We love you all.
-Johnna
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Roses
A friend of mine just emailed me and the tag at the bottom of her email was...
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I don't know how many times I've read that scripture over the past 8 months but in just the past few moments it hit me square in the face.
"For I know" - God knows his plan for us. We are not sure of it yet but in His time it will be revealed. And if we knew what this plan was, we naturally would want to change it!! He knows better than to trust us with such knowledge!
"the plans" - God is thinking BIG. He doesn't have just one little plan but has multiple plans for our lives and will allow them to unfold.
"I have for you" - He has specially formed these plans to fit us perfectly. We may only see glimpses of the greatness He has in store for our lives but God knows the awesomeness of His master design.
"declares the LORD" - whispers the Lord... No. says the Lord... No. DECLARES the Lord. Emphatic and authoritative.
"plans to prosper you" - He will give us the desires of our heart if those are truly of Him. These are our joys, our dreams, our miracles.
"and not to harm you" - The quote "What doesn't kill you will make you stronger" comes to mind. We may go through times that may make death appealing but God's love for us is so powerful that he will deliver us from those dark days if we allow Him.
"plans to give you hope" - Our hope is in knowing that God's plan is real and defined.
"and a future." - God's plan for us is eternal and that future is brighter than any we could make for ourselves here on Earth. But His plan for us in our earthly existence allows us to think of the future that will be filled with His blessings.
God's plan for me is unclear. I'm really confused about many things in my life right now but I know that His plans have already been set in motion for my future. I will find hope in this.
My mom's oldest sister, Aunt Nina, pulled me aside at my cousin Walter's birthday party a few weeks ago to talk for a few minutes. She too lost infant children (4 to be exact) and understands many of my emotions now. She told me what my grandmother (Becky) told her when she was trying to understand why this was happening to her and her babies. My grandmother said "When you pick roses from your garden, you don't just pick all of the full bloom roses to put in your bouquet. You choose a few new little rosebuds as well to place in the bouquet. God is the same way. He chooses many older blooms for his bouquet but wants to have a few younger ones as well." My grandmother might not have had an extensive education but she was so wise. I like thinking of Lizzy Ann as a beautiful little pink rose in God's beautiful bouquet of lives. Small and sweet just like her precious life.
Thank you all for your continued prayers and support. We love you, we love you, we love you.
-Johnna
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I don't know how many times I've read that scripture over the past 8 months but in just the past few moments it hit me square in the face.
"For I know" - God knows his plan for us. We are not sure of it yet but in His time it will be revealed. And if we knew what this plan was, we naturally would want to change it!! He knows better than to trust us with such knowledge!
"the plans" - God is thinking BIG. He doesn't have just one little plan but has multiple plans for our lives and will allow them to unfold.
"I have for you" - He has specially formed these plans to fit us perfectly. We may only see glimpses of the greatness He has in store for our lives but God knows the awesomeness of His master design.
"declares the LORD" - whispers the Lord... No. says the Lord... No. DECLARES the Lord. Emphatic and authoritative.
"plans to prosper you" - He will give us the desires of our heart if those are truly of Him. These are our joys, our dreams, our miracles.
"and not to harm you" - The quote "What doesn't kill you will make you stronger" comes to mind. We may go through times that may make death appealing but God's love for us is so powerful that he will deliver us from those dark days if we allow Him.
"plans to give you hope" - Our hope is in knowing that God's plan is real and defined.
"and a future." - God's plan for us is eternal and that future is brighter than any we could make for ourselves here on Earth. But His plan for us in our earthly existence allows us to think of the future that will be filled with His blessings.
God's plan for me is unclear. I'm really confused about many things in my life right now but I know that His plans have already been set in motion for my future. I will find hope in this.
My mom's oldest sister, Aunt Nina, pulled me aside at my cousin Walter's birthday party a few weeks ago to talk for a few minutes. She too lost infant children (4 to be exact) and understands many of my emotions now. She told me what my grandmother (Becky) told her when she was trying to understand why this was happening to her and her babies. My grandmother said "When you pick roses from your garden, you don't just pick all of the full bloom roses to put in your bouquet. You choose a few new little rosebuds as well to place in the bouquet. God is the same way. He chooses many older blooms for his bouquet but wants to have a few younger ones as well." My grandmother might not have had an extensive education but she was so wise. I like thinking of Lizzy Ann as a beautiful little pink rose in God's beautiful bouquet of lives. Small and sweet just like her precious life.
Thank you all for your continued prayers and support. We love you, we love you, we love you.
-Johnna
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